I want to share with you the 7 year conscious parenting journey I have lived and breathed with my daughter.
Do you have one of these children? They sparkle, they are in joy and contentment and they are full of life and confidence, you think all is well in her world and then just as you look away or least expect it they are in meltdown. My eldest daughter is one of these children. She has always been a high needs child, needing a lot of reassurance, a lot of cuddles and affection and many an hour at the foot of the bed talking things out and through. This is the way she was made and she is imperfectly perfect.
However, she can get caught up with the littlest of things. A tiny issue can blow into a big issue within seconds and often when both of us are not expecting it. We experience the Sunday night blues in our house. We need to be early for everything, she struggles to let things go and needs a lot of lead up and conversations to manage change and new things.
Does this sound like your child? These children are perfect, they do not need a diagnosis, they are amazing, loving and sparkly. These children enrich our lives in unquantifiable ways. All the while, we need to manage their melt downs and give them the tools and strategies to adapt and grow into deeper and more consistent emotional resilience.
I know that she will not be like this forever. The tools I am about to share with you have changed her and our lives in unmeasurable ways. As we invest in her and these techniques, she is growing to be more secure, less vulnerable and more at peace with herself and the world.
My hope is that you begin to consider introducing these strategies in your own conscious parenting journey and lean away from the need to ‘label’ or diagnose your child. Your child is your child and is imperfectly perfect and there are many ways in which you can help and heal your child better and more permanently than any expert. You are the mother/parent, which equips you with the knowingness and intuition to guide and lead your children into personal fulfilment and development. Please trust yourself, as you truly are the biggest gift and opportunity for breakthrough that your child has.
Here are the 4 ways I have equipped my daughter to manage her emotions and feel in control of her anxiety and insecurities.
1. I AM statements –
We breathe life and language into our children and into our home. We praise, we encourage and we consciously use our language to shape the experience and information our children take in and process. We do not watch television, we do not watch the news or have newspapers lying around. We consciously choose what goes into our children’s ears and minds as much as we can…at least for a little while longer while we still have the ability to filter it all. This is not a head in the sand parenting strategy, this is conscious parenting.
Every evening at the dinner table we ask each family member what the best part of their day was. Similarly we always name one thing we are grateful for. We use I AM statements with our children when they are unsure, fearful or inhibited.
Over breakfast each morning and during the drive to school we recite I AM statements and other affirmations. These include: I AM smart and confident. I AM clever and kind. I love my school and my friends. Nothing ever goes wrong in my life. I make friends easily. I feel secure even when mummy and daddy are not with me. I ask for help easily. I AM safe and loved. I know how to ask for help. My teachers and friends care about me. Everything is well in my world.
Now some of you may be thinking, this is a bit of a mollycoddle, that we are setting our children up for failure as the real world is not like this. We disagree. At a young age we taught our children about the power of their mind and how, what you think you create, what you focus on materialises. As such, when we speak and breathe these words over our life, we claim this space of harmony, balance and peace in our lives. Our children have watched us do this, we speak words as adults in our life and home such as – We always have enough, we always are looked after, we are safe and secure, our family is healthy and happy all the time. And guess what! This is what we experience in our lives! We believe in the power of intention and as such we have empowered our children with this same understanding. This is what feels right to us and so far we have seen incredible change in our daughter’s anxiety with implementing these powerful statements every Sunday night, every time we have meltdowns and every time we have tears at school.
2. Preparation and Prevention –
We talk a lot in our home about life being full of events and opportunities that we can both control and others that we can’t. We teach our girls and ourselves how to be comfortable in situations and places that are uncomfortable. We do this by practicing mindfulness. We ask our children often – “How are you feeling?” “Hey baby girl, what’s going on in your world?” “What are you thinking about at the moment sweetheart?” This gives us great insight to how they are traveling and sitting with the uncomfortable, such as new places, new things and new people.
We prepare as much as we can for new things and do our best to paint a picture of what to expect, but we also prepare by talking about the likely possibility of things being out of our control, and talking about how we would manage this. We have taught our girls to breathe deeply, to use their words and to take stock of their feelings. Sure, it doesn’t happen perfectly every time, however having this running dialogue has really enabled our children to have less melt downs and to begin to articulate their feelings, rather than just have tears all the time.
3. Ho’oponopono –
This forgiveness technique has changed our lives. Five years ago I invested in some personal and business coaching from Dr Joe Vitale. I literally inhaled his books “Zero Limits” and “At Zero” and even now, all these years later, these are two of the most played audiobooks on my phone. For detailed explanation of this technique I encourage you to read or listen to the book. The synopsis of this technique is one of personal responsibility. It is a Hawaiian prayer than is based on years of application and ancestry in Hawaii. The prayer says – I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you. What it teaches us is, to take responsibility for our feelings, to never project blame, and how to embrace the growth and opportunity that struggle and adversity gives us in our lives.
The way I use this technique to manage my daughter’s anxiety is: I have taught her to take responsibility for these uncomfortable feelings, to understand that this situation or worry is an opportunity for her to grow into a stronger and more courageous person, and ultimately the fact that it’s in her life means it’s not her fault, but it is her responsibility. Now sure, I didn’t have this conversation with her when she was 4. This conversation has evolved over the years, even though the practice of reciting this mantra has been used since she was 4.
We started with her being in meltdown and I would ask her to take a few breaths. I would dose my Stress Drops every 5 minutes until she calmed down and then would ask her what she is worried about or what was wrong. I would ask her to give the feeling a number out of 10. 10 being the worst and 1 being at peace and feeling happy. Most Sunday nights we would get a 10 out of 10 worrying about school. On many occasions she could not articulate why, she was just worried. This is anticipatory anxiety. She would then begin to say out loud with us, “ I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you.” We would do this for a few minutes and then ask her again to give it a number. She would then give it a number which would be far less than the first number. We would then continue to say the mantra until she was at a 1. Over the years I have found her in her room doing this process and saying this mantra on her own. I have been told by her teacher than she often does it at school too, in the playground or when she is on the verge of tears when they are doing maths. Sure, this is not the only solution or answer to her ongoing anxiety and there are other techniques we are introducing and learning about all the time. This however has been an incredible tool for her and us, to manage and empower her with her feelings. We always dose her school water bottle with my Stress Drops and these two strategies have given us all confidence at school drop off over the last two years.
4. Homeopathic Medicine –
In addition to my Stress Drops, my daughter also has deeper acting constitutional medicines which have enabled huge breakthroughs with her overwhelm, meltdowns and anxiety. I seriously cannot imagine being a parent without Homeopathic Medicine. We have used the remedies phosphorus, pulsatilla, arg nit and gelsemium with great results over the years.
I prescribe Phosphorus to the children in my clinic who are easily distracted, who struggle to focus in class and who are very creative and talented. They often struggle with regimented time schedules and tasks that require a lot of ongoing concentration. These children love to eat ice cream and other cold things such as icy poles and drink cold water. They are sponges! They absorb everything around them, often making them sensitive and overly empathetic to their friends and siblings.
I prescribe Pulsatilla for children who are very clingy, need constant reassurance and who struggle with separation anxiety. These children often struggle with transition to new things and new places such as kinder and school, and often are very affectionate. When children are balanced by taking Pulsatilla they become more emotionally resilient, are less teary and are able to cope with being on their own much better.
I prescribe Arg Nit for children and adults who are very anxious about time, they are constantly concerned about being late, they are nervous and agitated with not having enough time to complete everything, and as such always feel like they are behind. They can experience low self esteem and emotions from comparing themselves to others.
The homeopathic medicine Gelsemium really assists those who are worried about things that are going to happen. The people that benefit mostly from this medicine are chronic worriers. They can also be hypochondriacs and have germ phobias as they are dreading ‘what will or could happen.’ This medicine is wonderful for children who are afraid of the doctor or dentist or who get anxious before exams and tests, whether these are at school, karate or their flute exam.
These remedies are just as powerful to balance the emotions and behaviour of children as adults.
I hope this article has been of great value to you. If I can assist you or your family in any way or feel that perhaps one of these Homeopathic Medicines are needed in your home, please reach out and contact me directly on TOLL FREE 1800 244 449.
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