As I have shared with you lately I am committed to my personal work. I am evolving and breaking through all the stories I have been telling myself about my worth and my success. I have begun to understand in the last few months that the most important value I have for myself is one of freedom.
I wanted to share my 1st girl story with you. Years ago, (too many than I care to admit!) I studied under the brilliant and world renowned Denny Ray Johnson. I learnt many things from him, Rayid Iridology and most profoundly I learnt about Birth Order. This has helped me no end in my work life, identifying behavioural patterns and particular persuasions of the homeopathic constitutional medicines. However, the biggest breakthroughs of his teachings were within me.
I am a first girl, my mother is a first girl and I have gone on to have two girls to two different fathers, which too, puts the first girl story in their profiles.
The first girl story is one of duty and responsibility, the matriarch of the family who feels a very strong sense of responsibility to care for her family and her parents. Some people view first girls as the mother hen, however for me it was not a broody maternal expression, it was one of pain and of holding the space for my family’s maternal struggle.
I remember making the decision when I was very young, perhaps 14 or 15, when I decided I needed to break the cycle. My maternal grandmother had committed suicide and when I identified the DNA probabilities within those maternal helixes, I wanted a different experience. You see, I had watched my mother suffer with the loss of her mother and that entire maternal side of her family struggle big time with “the black dog”, you know, mental illness. It has had many names and diagnoses over the years, which will remain nameless as respect for my extended family, however the beast has been at play.
When my hormones and anxiety were getting the better of me as a teenager, I was in panic! I didn’t want this experience, I didn’t want the same diagnosis and treatment strategy! I wanted a genuine permanent solution, not a band aid and not a ‘there, there’ pat on the shoulder. I was so fortunate at this time that my mother was so educated about alternative medicine, as she decided my treatment approach through reaching out to the correct natural practitioners and this literally changed my life and the course/direction of the black dog. You see, I do not suffer with any mental illness, however my DNA is programmed to express it. I work consciously at building up the space between my DNA and my emotional and mental wellbeing as I have made a decision about it’s ability to express itself in me and my children.
I have and every day continue to CONSCIOUSLY break the cycle in my family. Understanding my birth order was a big part in this breakthrough for me. I could see my family patterns clearly and then consciously I prepared and worked on my mindset to choose something different.
Each birth order placement in your family has a different story and therefore emotional expression. As first girl, even now my behaviour is dictated to protecting and upholding my family. I am very protective of my parents and love to spend a lot of time with them. I spend a lot of time working on their health and wellbeing, all the while continuing to invest in my family’s relationships. This is very different to a second girl.
A second girl, that is a girl who is second born after a girl, has a story about self expression and personal success. The third girl is often the traveller or the global nomad in the family for reasons which can be understood too! It is fascinating! The second girl is often spoken about as the ‘sneaky cat’, she is not as warm and open as the first girl and she can often hold onto judgements and grudges from the past. The second girls I seen my clinic are often accused of being selfish, however they are not really, they are just committed to their personal success. By comparison the first girl is often labelled as the martyr. This is because her guilt and her duty towards her family overthrows her ability to love and nurture herself and when imbalanced, this can make her resentful.
There is far more complexity in this model than what I am illustrating here so please don’t assume anything, instead make a time to have your birth order explained to you by a professional who is trained in this. It not only opens your eyes to your behaviours but can also explain your reasonings and the way you see the world. Your birth order is influenced by your siblings, as well as any half, step or adopted siblings. If you are adopted yourself, it also has a unique story – fascinating huh!
So back to my first girl story, as a result of my fundamental and programmed decisions around duty, I never fully gave myself permission to have a teenage or young adulthood. I didn’t party, I didn’t travel, I stayed close to home looking after my parents. I was such a ‘good girl!” For many years I held a big and deep silent resentment about this, I was angry at myself not anyone else.Why couldn’t I find it in me to just leave and spread my wings? I have this deep, deep desire for freedom! Knowing this and working with it consciously now, I am working on empowering myself with choices about freedom. I am working on all of my relationships with freedom in mind. In my business life I am scaling, while ensuring my time and freedom is still maintained and balanced. The last 3 weeks I have been working from the beach with my children, proving to myself in a little personal freedom experiment that I can still serve everyone while serving myself! Umm…….massive breakthrough Nicole!!
What a gift this has been to myself. I am now coming to understand that I can serve my family and not be held down with the personal duty and responsibility I have held myself to. I can do it all! Everything is available to me! I can choose whatever my life is to look like and this is the ultimate freedom! Also, my conscious intent at breaking my family’s mental health story has also transformed! I now understand that the choices I make every day outside of my programming is what makes and continues to accumulate my abundant mental health. Choosing this every day is breaking the cycle and enabling my children to have a different experience of me and a brighter future.
I want to leave something with you? How are your behavioural patterns from your birth order/childhood, limiting your life choices now as an adult? You see we don’t know what we don’t know until we know it!!
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